think think

oh gosh. my colleague said i am so philosophical today..

Am i?

Does a name matter? Does your name matter to you? Perhaps it doesnt. I mean, would a rose smell as sweet if its called like maybe 'shit'?
Personally, perhaps if you always knew rose as 'shit' then it wouldnt matter. Two sides to a coin as i always believe..
To me, my name will matter. Its whats left of you when you are gone. And as much as i have made a mess of my life up till now, i do wish one day, my name would be remembered fondly..

Humans are such phanthomable creatures. We live in a too realistic world, where money is almost everything. Even if you dont think it is. Perhaps you say it doesnt mean anything to you, yet you need money to survive in the world.. You get worried when you dont have it..

Oh my gosh, i am lapsing into some phase i do not want to go to..

Anyway, we'll talk about marriage today, What of marriage? Marriage to me is a commitment i used to think i can make. But recently i realise that i am so immature that i would not be able to handle it.

Think about it. You live with someone under the same roof, see the same person day in and day out. Each day you give your guy a kiss in the morning and you leave for work. Each night he gives you a kiss while you are asleep. You probably meet each other in the evening for the same things - movies, dinner.. You want him to hug you to sleep every night.. You want to see him everyday..
After sometime perhaps you tire of it, you miss a few kisses, you start going out with other friends, you start prioritizing work.. And maybe you end up not seeing each other though you live together.. Simply because, you are so dead tired, you fall asleep when you reach home. Or perhaps you are accustomed to doing your own stuff without disturbing the other party.

Gosh. Marriage life sounds really scary now.

I still will love it though, and sounds like it really takes commitment to stay together. Which i am learning.. I used to think i could commit, yet somewhere along this life, i lost the sense of commitment.. To the men and friends in my life. So sorry. I never never learnt to stick it through with all of you. Simply because i am so afraid of being hurt, again. I cant even remember why the fear stays, and i would go all the way for someone.. Yet, somehow, somewhere, i lost it.

Someone asked me once not to revolve my world around him.. and so i guess now.. i find it abit difficult and i do restrain from being my clingy self.. Would it really be better if you were mean, or if you give each other space to do what they want to do?

For me? I know i will stray.. I dont mind meeting everyday, i dont ever think i will get tired of a certain someone.. Ask me to stay, tell me enough of what i want to hear.. I wont get tired of hearing it. I promise.